Finding Seoul

One Year…

November 27, 2017

Like the ocean tide, time relentlessly and continuously pushes forward. Regardless if we’re ready or not.

One year has come and gone way faster than I’d like.

A year ago to this day, I reunited with my biological parents for the first time since birth. Just like a scene from a movie, I can replay every single thought and emotion that I was experiencing leading up to reunion, during, and the days that followed.

Consumed by angst and uncertainty, I robotically pushed forward not knowing how the day would unfold. Not knowing the extent of which this encounter would change me; tether me to this moment in time.Β Though it’s generally unhealthy to live in the past, the intensity of this moment will forever be with me.

Throughout this year, I’ve grown in unimaginable ways. Transforming in all areas of my life. I’ve witnessed the world, learned new things, expanded my horizon, and reconnected with myself. Each step of the way, I found within me an unwavering strength; a strength I subconsciously knew I possessed, though it has evolved with time and a great deal of introspection. Reuniting with my birth parents played an integral role in recognizing my soul strength. Moreover it enabled me to come to the realization that regardless of the outcome, I am okay. I can handle anything. I can rise from the ashes. By the same token, there’s no fault in being vulnerable and basking in moments of weakness from time to time; for it’s these moments when we gain the momentum to strive for light, happiness, and love. And these moments teach us that extreme weakness is actually a misperception. In reality, the heartache that we’re experiencing is the beginning stages of tremendous strength.

My appa was so gentle and sincere when he told me not to worry as he walked out the door. I remember feeling soothed and wholeheartedly believing his every word. Although my mind had doubts about where the journey would lead, my soul knew. And he was right, there was nothing to worry about. My eomma and appa have been enormously faithful to their word from day one and in fact, it’s apparent to me that for 24.5 years, they have never stopped loving me, not even a second. I have nothing but gratitude for them and how my situation unraveled. I’m so thankful. And I miss and love them very much.

On this day, I will infinitely be connected to the song “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls. Shortly before the reunion, my friend and I were sitting at a coffee shop and I was listening to my Spotify playlist on shuffle. “Iris” came on and it instantaneously brought me to tears. I’ve always had a special connection with this song, but it really struck a chord with me on this day. The lyrics, the entrancing melody, the way he sings with such honest conviction, how it strips me down to my naked core…just everything.

So to conclude, here are some lyrics from the song.

“And I don’t want the world to see me, cause I don’t think that they’d understand. When everything’s meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.”

Until next time {xo}

hippieseoul

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