Finding Seoul

Finding Seoul: Two Worlds Collide

March 20, 2017
Korean Adoptee Story – Finding Seoul

This entire thing has been a whirlwind from the start. I truly was incredibly fortunate when it came to my case. The majority of birth searches don’t end successfully, so my chances really weren’t great despite my mostly optimistic outlook. But somehow I ended up beating the odds.

With all that being said, something happened recently that I never would’ve expected to happen in my wildest dreams…at least not 2 short months after the first meeting. My adoptive and biological families were able to meet in person.

It all came together on January 19th. I received the green light from Eastern via email just as my mom and sister were landing at Incheon International Airport. Subsequently, the meeting happened on January 20th.

whole fam

It’s incomprehensible how powerful it was for these two worlds to merge into one for a couple of hours. The people who gave me life and my mother who nurtured my soul all in one room. My body was buzzing from every ounce of energy and emotion that was present. And I kept thinking to myself, is this really happening? Will this ever happen again? It was very much an out of body experience and truth is, I’m still processing it to this day.

My mom covered a lot of the same ground as I did in the first meeting, but I was just happy to be there in that moment and be in the presence of my biological parents once again. Since I’ve finally made decisions about my next steps after my 1 year contract ends in August (details to come), I am consciously making an effort to enjoy every single moment and this was one of those times. In this moment all I could do was stare at my biological mother and father and see them only an arms length away from my mom and sister and soak in all of the glorious energy. And in this moment, I felt an unwavering strength as I basked in hope, acceptance, and love.

There is one thing my biological father said that my mom, sister, and I found particularly heartbreaking. He talked of how, for the longest time, he’s struggled with God. He wonders if he’ll be accepted into heaven. This basically tore me in half. It was the devastating realization that these people (and likely other parents in this situation) have lived with this enormous burden for 23 years. It breaks my heart because I’ve had an incredible life and their sacrifice became a beautiful gift for my parents who desired another child. My biological parents did so much good and have so much goodness in their hearts that I don’t want them to see it as a burden that causes them to question their fate in the afterlife, and this is exactly what I told them.

My biological father spoke of the day I was born and the first time we saw each other. He mentioned this encounter in the letter he wrote me prior to our first meeting, but it was mesmerizing to hear him talk about this in person. He explains that we locked eyes shortly after I was born and how tragically beautiful this encounter was for him. This moment clearly left an impression on him, one that has impacted him in inexplicable ways. In the letter he writes, “when I decided to send you to a foreign country, I saw your eyes. Since then I’ve never forgotten the shine and light in your eyes, not even a second.”

I also discovered that my entire immediate biological family (dad, mom, brother, sister) are blood type B, including myself! Pretty neat stuff.

Here’s the update on my biological siblings. They want to test it out on my brother first because they think he’ll react more positively than my sister. He’s in his last semester of college and has an important exam coming up towards the end of March that they want him to focus all of his energy on. After this exam, they plan on telling him. I expect I’ll hear from my biological parents via Eastern towards the end of this month or at some point in April.

More to come.

Until next time {xo},

hippieseoul

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4 Comments

  • Reply Kindle March 20, 2017 at 11:20 am

    What a powerful and beautifully expressed sharing, Danielle — thanks from the bottom of my heart for posting it. Such a remarkable journey you’re on… Sending love and peace to you around the world, dear one! Kindle

    • Reply hippieseoul March 20, 2017 at 11:23 am

      Kindle! So great to hear from you. I feel your love and in return I have so much love for you. It’s been a long time coming, but I’m also glad that I was finally able to write this and post it. You’re very welcome and thank you for reading! Wishing you well and miss you!

  • Reply laurie farber March 20, 2017 at 12:28 pm

    Beautiful post, Danielle.

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